Don't Put Your Name On The Ice Cream

Since leaving HELL ON EARTH I've noticed some things. about Duke and Duke:
1.  It's a cake walk to fly under the radar in the office.  I could be looking at ESPN all day and nobody would know the difference.  I just need to look busy and concerned about the energy market.  Sorry Duke and Duke that ship sailed a long time ago.
2.  Someone is constantly ordering a cake for something.
3.  Endless amounts of school supplies.  Except a tape dispenser which I'm still waiting on-FUCKERS!
4.  Everyone in this place loves ice cream.

Last week #4 was in full force.  Some way some how we managed to get something like 4 cases of ice cream sandwiches dropped off at this place.  There was ice cream for days.  I managed to scarf down like 4 of them over the course of a 10 hour day.  Yes, I'm a sucker for a good ice cream sandwich.  I thought I was gonna puke by the time the day was over.  Believe it or not there was still ice cream left over. 
The next day I came into work and was talking to the animals who work on the FX desk next to me and they were saying how they had been eating the left overs all morning.  About that time my phone rang.  It was  AngryCharms asking me if I would come meet him in the kitchen.  I'm not gonna lie I was a little scared.  I got up and casually walked back into the kitchen.  There I found AngryCharms with the freezer open and a look of disgust on his face.  He was livid.  I walked up to the freezer to see what he was looking it.  The freak that sits 2 seats down from me had put his name on 2 sandwiches with a post-it.   Who does that?  AngryCharms was ranting something like:
"Who the FUCK does this guy think he is?"
"It takes a real asshole to pull something like this!"
"I've never seen such bullshit!"
AND THE CLINCHER:
"This is communal fucking ice cream.  NOBODY is allowed to put their name on it.  I'm going to teach this fuck a lesson once and for all."
You would think by the way he was carrying on the mother country was gonna stop serving beer or something.  I was confused as to why he had called me back to witness his rage.  But, I was too afraid to ask.  It was at this point he whipped the Sharpie of his pocket and write the following on Coco's post it:
I ate your fucking ice cream.  What are you going to do about it asshole?  Come find me.  Let me give you a hint:  I work on the FX desk and I sit next to Max.  This is communal ice cream.  You get what you deserve. YOU FUCK.
He really has amazing people skills.  I then asked him why I was back there.  He told me he needed someone else to eat the other sandwich.  OK, but that still didn't answer my question.  Why me?  Finally he told me that he knew that I was the only one who had balls enough to put an end to this tom foolery of ice cream labeling.  AngryCharms also told me that besides him I was the only asshole in the whole office that Coco wouldn't say anything to.  I agreed with him and ate the other ice cream sandwich.  We left the wrappers and the note in the freezer.  I'm still waiting for Coco to say something.  This is a true story kids. 

Comments

[La Gringa]

BWA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!

Dude, slip some Thorazine into the ice cream sandwiches next time.

[Miz B]

Can't...see...tears streaming....down face...laughing so....fucking....hard....oh, god, oh, god....this is just....the greatest thing that has ever happened in an office. EVER!!!!

Next up - THAT'S COMMUNITY STOUFFER'S LASAGNA, YOU FUCK!!!!

[Mrs. Short Pants]

did you submit this to "the office"? this was just too f'in funny. made my day...so sorry it's your reality.