Questionable Rants and Raves

"Deadliest Catch"

Contrary to popular belief I have other interests besides watching sports, drinking beer, and listening to music.  I do like to sit around, watch educational TV, and drink beer.  A good example of this is the Discovery Channel's show "Deadliest Catch".  The show isn't about great whites. It's about Alaska King Crab.  Not only are these bad boys tough to eat in a restaurant,  they will take a finger if given a chance.   I find this show to be riveting.  The premise is basic.  It follows a handful of crab fishing boats out into the deadly waters of the Bering Sea and their quest to catch a mother load of crab.  The show hammers you with how deadly, but lucrative crab fishing can actually be.  Who knew?  "Deadliest Catch" is like sensory overload for me when an episode is over.  Between watching crazy fishermen and insane weather patterns by the time the show is over I'm exhausted.  It makes me feel like I was fishing for crab-well no not really, but kinda.  Check out this show you won't be disappointed.  In my opinion all "Deadlist Catch" is missing is a crusty old sea dog like Captain McAllister from The Simpson's.

"Arr! Come for the Freaks stay for the show."

We Have Nothing Better To Talk About

I know the NY Post is a rag, but really this is too much.  I can't believe with all that is going on in the world that this makes the front page of the Post. This was yesterday's vision of prettiness.  Who cares about either of these two ladies?  I find it interesting that "Brangelina"continue to adopt children, but is it really front page news?  Naomi Campbell being forced to pick up garbage in NYC is just priceless.  I wonder what would happen if I knocked Turbo upside the head with a phone receiver?  Would I be front page news on the NYMEX's little news letter or would it just go unnoticed?

I think the firing of eight federal prosecutors who don't tow the line of the Bush Administration is a little bit more news worthy.  When is Karl Rove going to go away?  The man has more power than anyone else in the fucking country and the biggest forehead I have ever seen.  The sun rises and sets on what this evil fuck has to say.  But no one would know that if they read the NY Post.

The Warden vs. LaGuardia-Which is worse?

As I told you earlier in the week the Warden was coming to police my behavior for the "high holy day"-as I suspected it worked.  However, all I want to do now is drink a case of beer, be crass, and gamble as a result of living under martial law for the last two days.  This death sentence has continued over to La Guardia-it is 6 AM and my flight is delayed over an hour.  What kind of bullshit is this?  I realize that the North East got bitch slapped by Jack Frost, but this sucks.  The airport is filled with a bunch of homesick Texans and crazed spring breakers.  I remember spring break-fun times.  Anyway, I would like to see the Texans and the breakers fight.  I'm not sure who would win that battle-could go either way.  I'm also wondering what's worse being trapped at La Guardia or doing the activities on the Warden's list?  I'm beginning to think the airport is worse-I can't get away from this.  The list I can just shake my head and go along with it-albeit in a coma, but hey what do you want from me.  I feel a bender coming on when I get to Texas-watch out BT.  BT and I are driving from Houston to San Antonio.  Three hours of diet coke, sports radio, country music, and tins of Copenhagen.  BT will dip and I will ride-maybe I will mix it up and dip too.  Once we get to the Alamo I'm gonna go off the reservation.  Cans of beer, BBQ, golf, maybe a little of business, and most importantly a sunburn that the devil himself would be afraid of.  Maybe I will be able to find a karaoke joint and I will sing ELO's "Turned to Stone" and dance.  Short pants you are missing out-I'm going to be in rare form. * To prepare for this I took a sharpie and wrote my name in my clothes.  I filled out several cards with the whereabouts of my hotel on it to hand to cab drivers.  Do you think this is too much for 48 hours? "In case of an emergency I am ......"

Ann Coulter's New Favorite Word

  This woman is a fucking idiot.  Thats right, I'm not gonna hold back on this one.  Ann Coulter is a fucking idiot who deserves a one way ticket to hell; and when she arrives I hope she is chained to a rock by the fire with a pack of Log Cabin Republicans -I also think they're fucking idiots.  How dare this woman call John Edwards a "faggot".  Let me add even if John Edwards were queer what the fuck business is it of hers.  It makes me wonder if she herself is not part of the pink team- she is 45 and single.   See it and hear it for yourself.  I can't believe that in 2007 people still think that it is OK to call someone this.  I can't believe in 2007 people are still afraid of "the gays".  The gays are the least of this country's worries.  They get up, they go to work, pay taxes, raise families, attend church, and are basically no different than the rest of this country.  The only difference is who they choose to sleep with and that makes them wrong.  Well I guess in this situation I would rather be wrong.  Now, I'm not up in arms over this because I'm queer.  I'm up in arms over this because its offensive and because idiot fucks like her get a national stage in which she can expound her hate to the masses.  I hope Mitt Romney is thrilled to have her stellar endorsement.  Fuck it I hope Andrew Sullivan ( you can read about him and his bullshit here) is proud to be a gay HIV+ conservative and that Elizabeth Dole is happy to be woman and a member of the God loving GOP.   She speaks the truth for your party boys and girls.  This is a woman who refers to Arabs as "rag heads" and thinks that Democratic party is nothing more than a bunch of "faggots". Now, we all know the GOP is good Christian party who loves everyone who is just like them- rich, white, church going, believe in the power of prayer, live in the suburbs, watch NASCAR,  have 2.5 children, have stupid fucking ribbons on their car, believe in George Bush's stupid fucking war, and believe that Gays, Arabs, Blacks, and of course Jews are evil to the core.  I feel bad for the true conservatives of the world or as Lamb Chop and Chrissy refer to themselves as "paleo-cons".  The ones that don't watch Fox News and want as little government as possible in their lives.  Really I guess they're just one good joint away from being Libertarians.  I have no problem with them.  Now, I'm not the most PC person in the world but, this shit is ridiculous.  It seems to me that the pendulum is swinging backwards in terms of PC.  There was once a time when you couldn't say something this obnoxious and get away with it, but I guess six years of an idiot running the country you can say anything you want.  I fear for the future of this country when an idiot fuck like Ann Coulter gets a microphone to speak to the masses.   What's next?  Will she have the nerve to call Barak Obama a "Nigger" at the next GOP function?  I think ACT UP, Queer Nation, PFLAG, HRC, and any other pro-gay group should picket in front of her fucking house and blare disco to all hours of the night. 
* Here is a calmer take on this event without calling anyone an "idiot fuck".
I forgot here is what the Log Cabin Republicans had to say about it. What a bunch of assholes.

Rain, Rain, Go Away

It is raining "cats and dogs" this morning in NYC.  I really don't mind the rain it just makes walking the dogs and getting to work a pain in the ass.  The only thing that works my last nerve about the rain is how nobody knows how to properly use an umbrella.  I myself am not a big fan of the umbrella.  I can't walk and hold one at the same time-its a complete mess to see me coming down the street.  STAY AWAY!!!   So I do the world a favor and wear a baseball cap.  Others could learn from me.  I don't understand what is the logic behind putting the umbrella in front of you while walking.  How do you see?  How do you navigate the lay of the land?  I'm amazed by this.  I almost lost an eye this morning from some idiot wandering around lower Manhattan.  If I thought I could get a day off out of it I would have gladly sacrificed one of my baby blues.  For the love of God please hold your umbrella upright while walking down the street!

The Oscars

FOR ONCE I HAVE NOTHING TO BITCH ABOUT.  I was pleased with who won and who lost on Oscar Night.  However, there is no reason for that show to be 3 hours long.  You could wrap that whole thing up in 2 hours at the most.  Get rid of the opening number and don't let people yap.  I thought Ellen did a good job.  At times I find her annoying, but I find most things annoying.  The only film that I thought got the shaft was Pan's Labyrinth.  I thought that movie was awesome and I apologize for not putting it on my list of favs for 2006.  It is so dreamy and creepy all at the same time.  Go check it out.

*when I grow up I want to be like Grandpa*

SOMEONE CALL THE GIRL POLICE

Yesterday, I was reading the front section of the Times and in it was an article about how the Delta Zeta Sorority chapter at DePauw University had dismissed some of it members.  Now I know some of you are thinking hmmmm what would a girl have to do to get the boot of a sorority?  My immediate thought was binge drinking, bulimia, being easy, and maybe they were methheads.  My reasons were not the right reasons.  Apparently membership was declining and the house was half full so the DePauw chapter called their national office looking for some guidance- you are not going to believe what the national chapter did.  The national chapter came in and kicked out all girls who weren't befitting of wearing their precious letters and the making of their annoying t-shirts.  What they essentially said was that if you didn't fit a certain stereotype in the house-"don't let the door hit ya were the good lord split ya."  That meant if you weren't behaving in the manner that I thought would get you kicked out ( binge drinking, bulimia, being easy, or a methhead)and you were just being trying to get through school you were out on your ass. You can read the whole thing here.  Way to send a positive image out to the young women of the world.  If you don't fit a stereotype you are out on your ass when you go to college.

I am not bagging on the Greeks.  I have lots of friends who were sorority girls- the WARDEN (my mother) was also one, but this is obnoxious.  I wasn't a sorority girl- I didn't need someone to plan activities for me I could do that all on my own.  I have been to frat and sorority parties and they are a good time. I got loaded and picked up a couple t-shirts along the way what more could I ask for. I prefer frat boys to sorority girls, but hey to each his own.  I just don't think that it is right to say if you don't fit into a certain stereotype we don't want you.  If these girls didn't already have self-esteem issues I bet they do now.  If you are a member of this sorority I urge you to write a letter to your national chapter and throw a fit because this is not right. It is bad enough that women spend their whole lives being objectified by the entire world.  Now they can be objectified by other women as well.  I will  end this rant with my all time favorite sorority girl joke.

How many sorority girls does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One to actually do it and 100 to make a t-shirt about the event.

Thank you, I will be here all week.

*Oscar rant to come later*

Sarah Silverman: My Hero

I have one question to ask you readers:
WHY ISN'T SARAH SILVERMAN ON TV MORE?
I spent the better half of today watching the IFC Independent Spirit Awards (look here to see the winners and losers) in which Ms. Silverman was the host. I love her. She has absolutely no filter-she says the things that I only think in my little head. SHE NEEDS TO BE ON TV MORE. KIDS COULD LEARN FROM HER. Now I say the better half of the day because I didn't get out of bed until 12:30 (thanks Miz B. for keeping me up past my bed time!) and I had to go buy kibble for the beasts in the house or they were going to riot. By the time I was done doing their bidding I realized that I had in fact TVO'd the Spirit Awards. I can't stomach the Oscars- not to worry I will watch if only so that I have something to rant about. The Spirit Awards are for more my type of movies-sick, twisted, and filled with people who are flawed. Not that my opinion matters, but I was pleased with the winners. If you have the IFC channel and they rerun the show check it out and then go check out some of the flicks they are sweet.

Exile Grrl's Favorite Flicks of 2006:
1. The Departed: Who doesn't love a good gangsta flick? Scorsese's stab at Irish in the South Boston. Plus it opens up with "Gimme Shelter"-rock on!
2. The Queen: Helen Mirren is amazing as Queen Elizabeth II. She paints a very real portrait of a woman who is struggling with how to uphold the face of the monarch in a time of tragedy while at the same time dealing with her own grief.
3. Brick: The Maltese Falcon meets Breakfast Club. A modern day detective story set in a high school. Lucas Haas as "The Pin" one of the most memorable bad guys to hit the screen in a long time. Who knew that there was an crime underworld in high school.
4. Thank you for Smoking: Made me want to work for big tobacco.
5. Half Nelson: A cracked out junior high school teacher becomes friends with a student when she finds out about his problem. Ryan Gosling and Shareeka Epps are amazing. And to think I made fun of Gosling for making The Notebook-that sucked.
6. The Last Kiss: Zach Braff has a midlife crisis when he turns 30- I think I had one of those too. The soundtrack is amazing.
7. Casino Royale: I'm a Bond dork. I can't help it. The story is somewhat contrived, but Daniel Craig makes one hell of a Bond.
8. Friends With Money: Finally a movie with four women as the main characters. Nicole Holofcener made this little gem. She also made Lovely and Amazing. Francis McDormand is great. If you loved her in Laural Canyon you will love her in this.
9. Volver: Pedro Almodóvar makes some of the most thought provoking movies I have ever seen. If only American cinema could be this good. Penélope Cruz is stunning as the main character.
10. Little Miss Sunshine: I will never listen to Rick James the same ever again.

This is only a small smattering of the movies I saw in 2006 and they are not in order of favorites. If you get a chance check them out and let me know what you think.

Note to Readers: I will try to keep my Oscar rant under control tomorrow. I don't think it will be as brutal as the Grammy's, but you never know.

This Man Will Never Hit 700 Home Runs

Hey Cub fans remember this guy? Most of the north side of Chicago thought Sammy Sosa was the messiah. People actually thought that this man was going to bring a World Series Trophy to the Windy City- It didn't happen. I was watching ESPN this morning and they said that Slammin' Sammy was trying out for a spot on the Texas Rangers. I can't think of a more fitting place for this guy than on a team filled with giant egos and no desire to play as a team. Who knows maybe the Giants will make a trade and send Barry Bonds there too-now that would be justice. Sammy seems to be under the impression that he is going to stage a huge comeback and continue hitting dingers down in Arlington. Sosa has 588 career home runs. I think the record is 784 held by Hammerin' Hank Aaron. Schott correct me if I am wrong on this. I actually heard Sammy say to reporters that he thinks that he can hit at least 700 home runs in his career-NO CHANCE NOT NOW NOT EVER.For him to do that a couple of things would have to happen.
1. He would have to average about 25 HRs a season and it would take him at least 5 years to do this.
2. He would have to get an attitude adjustment. Believe me I am not a big Sammy fan, but the man is a power hitter and when he gets a hold of it look out, but his attitude has hurt his career the most. He essentially shit all over the city of Chicago with his antics in his last season there. I am not a cub fan, but playing in Wrigley is pretty cool. The whole city loved him.
3. The ban on steroids is lifted and him and Barry can juice together.
I guess it is possible for him to squeak out maybe 625-650 career home runs if continues to play in the AL-he can be the DH. Hell, if Frank Thomas can continue to have a career I guess anything is possible. Sammy's body is shot from years of steroid abuse. There is no way that his body can play in the field everyday. I and the rest of Cub country will be watching this year and hoping that Slammin' Sammy goes down in flames-this man doesn't deserve a second chance at baseball. Hey Sammy you always say how baseball has been very very good to you how come you couldn't be good to its fans and the city of Chicago?

GO GET'EM GIRLS!!!!!

I got this little gem while on vacation and I just had to put it up. Meet LIBBY and JACKIE. They are about to go sleddin' in beautiful Oak Park. Their Mommy AE is one of my peeps even though she likes to tease me and correct my spelling on a daily basis. Remember when snow used to be fun?